Payback Is A Biatch
by like-a-motherflippin-boss
Summary: No one should mess with Jet. Apparently, Spike didn't understand. Rated T for language. Slight crack for Edward goodness!


Payback Is A Bitch

It all started with the bonsai trees. Faye said something along the lines of, "Jet is trimming his bushes," and now Spike _would not _stop making fun of him about it. And it was really starting to piss him off.

Anytime Jet was trying to relieve stress by cultivating his bonsai, Spike had to poke his abnormally green head in and say something.

"That's a pretty messy bush, Jet. You better trim it _real _nice."

Jet ended up accidentally snapping a branch off of his beloved bonsai when Spike popped in one time, and so he decided payback was in order.

Jet used his most awesome, former ISSP cop skills to sneak into Spike's room once the man had fallen asleep. With his special pair of bonsai-clipping scissors, he crept over to the bed.

"What is Jet-Jet doing to Spike-person?" Edward asked as she scrambled out from under Spike's bed.

"Jumpin' Jehosafats!" Jet yelled, somehow without waking Spike up. "What are you doing in here, kid?"

"Ed was just looking for Ein-Ein… Jet-Jet still didn't answer my question!" Edward yelled as she launched herself onto Jet.

"Shit, kid, I'm busy here. I'm trying to relieve my stress."

Ed pulled a face. "Jet-Jet isn't going to rape Spike-person, is he?"

"No, kid, are you insane? I'm just gonna trim an arrogant little… branch of our family tree."

"Okey-dokey then! As long as Jet-Jet doesn't do anything wrong to Spike-person, Ed is a-ok with it!" she said, giving him a double thumbs-up.

"No, I'm just gonna make Spike…-person look better! Do you wanna help?"

"Yessir, Jet-Jet!" she said, snapping a salute. "Ed will help in any way she can!"

"Alright, so I need you to take these scissors here and…"

Spike yawned as he sat up.

"Shit, hide!" Jet hissed, lunging under the bed.

"How the hell can they be so loud in the middle of the night?" Spike mumbled as he swung his legs to the floor.

Jet held his breath until Spike had shuffled out of the room, listened in tense silence as the man flushed the toilet, and then held his breath again once Spike shuffled back into the room.

The bed creaked as Spike fell back onto the bed with a grunt. In moments he was snoring again, and when Jet turned to signal to Ed that they could come out, she was nowhere to be found.

"Damnit Edward, took my scissors and left, huh?" Jet said to himself as he slid out from underneath the bed and ran into the hallway.

He heard giggling, and when he spun around and ran back into the room, he saw her hanging from the ceiling fan.

"Ed, what are you doing there?"

"You said to hide, so Ed was hiding from Jet-Jet!" she whisper-yelled. She let go of the ceiling fan and dropped down to the floor with a dull _thud. _She began a series of complicated pseudo-karate moves as she said, "So I sprang up to the fan-wan and hung upside down, like a batty-watty!"

Jet rubbed his brow, feeling a headache coming on. "Alright, why don't we get this done with?" he grumbled, a little upset that his payback wasn't feeling as great as he thought it would.

"It went round and round and round…" Edward went on as Jet sighed and looked up at the ceiling in defeat.

"Why don't you go play with Ein or something?" he said as he gently took the scissors from Edward. Giving them to her in the first place had probably not been his brightest idea.

"Okay, Jet-Jet!" Ed cheered quietly, and then pranced out of the room. He could hear her barking at Ein in the distance.

Jet set to work, and he was able to quietly sneak out of the room in a matter of minutes.

The next morning, in the daylight, Jet's masterpiece was a sight to behold.

"So, do we got a bounty, Jet?" Spike asked as he walked into the living room.

Faye took one look at him and then instantly fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

"You look so cool Spikey-wikey!" Edward screamed as she danced around him.

Spike scratched the back of his head in confusion. Then he began to frantically rub his head.

"Wh-wh-wha-wha-WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?"

"We made you so cutesy-wutesy bea-oo-tiful!" Edward sang.

Spike's gaze snapped over to Jet, and his face turned murderous. He stalked over to the larger man and grabbed his shiny dome.

"Okay baldy, this is war," Spike said lowly, his voice dropping with venom. "You just wait."

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And wait you shall. This story will be continued, with Spike's revenge!  
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